why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
