Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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