Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize