Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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