never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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