I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
