I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
