What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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