i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
