Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I could make wine with my vomit
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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