I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
