the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
