When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
