kristin has been a bad kristin
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
