My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
