i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
why is half of my head shaved?
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