she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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