glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
