so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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