her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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