so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
