I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
try to milk me bitch
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