you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
