it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I would ride that face into the sunset
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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