So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
