my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Randomize
