your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
