she was so not down for the gang bang
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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