i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
My liver just broke up with me...
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
