Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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