I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
