I heard we made out
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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