Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
