I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
