I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize