chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
