So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
