Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
