so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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