Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
