to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
