love makes seman taste better
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
