I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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