love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
