just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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