Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
