I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
