DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
