People in love make me want to vomit
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
