Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
