yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
