like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize