...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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