please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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