Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
