you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
