Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
