me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
