im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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