I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
