Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
