Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So much Jack, so little girl.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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