i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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