dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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