Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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