His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
