You smell like stripper and shame
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Randomize
