yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
