saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
